Keep showing up
To quote the classic song “What a difference a day makes” – it really does. After crying into my riding gloves on my last ride with Riley I had a lesson with Laura Parkes, and came away with more positivity about my riding, and a feeling that eventually we could iron things out.
That lesson was a bit of a turning point. I still had that familiar sinking feeling that comes with facing the uncomfortable stuff—the “I don’t like this” phase that I have to wade through before I can reach the magical “this isn’t so bad!” moment. But I knew deep down that if I wanted to build my confidence, I had to keep showing up. And cantering on loop while feeling like I might fall off (even though I’ve been told I never actually look like I’m about to) is part of the process to help me push through .
Riding involves doing a multitude of simultaneous actions at once. I’m still at the stage where I can only manage some of those things at the same time…. particularly since some of the time all of my focus is aimed at just staying on board. And yes, I know that gripping is exactly what I shouldn’t be doing but tell that to my subconscious.
Enter Lesson number two—the post-tears redemption ride.
A glimmer of hope
There was however a glimmer of hope on lesson number two after the crying incident, everything seemed to come together. I worked hard that lesson, even if I do say so myself, and I had the beetroot face to prove it. We began cantering early into the lesson and Laura gave me tips on how to work with Riley, and avoid the issues I usually have with him as I am unconciously blocking him.
To be fair, Riley isn’t exactly a push-button pony. He makes me work for every movement so I guess he is teaching me so much in his own special way. But something clicked in that lesson. My position held for the most part. I wasn’t being pulled forward into the dreaded “I’m about to exit this saddle” spiral.
I was actually doing it
Over the years, many of my rides on Riley have induced a state of “freeze and survive”, where I have been reduced to simply being a passenger, especially when trying to ride whilst processing lots of instructions. But this time? I was riding. I was processing. I was actually doing it whilst Laura was expertly passing on tips and instructions . And—credit where credit’s due—I even remembered to apply what I’ve been learning on the mechanical horse with Jen at Pegasus Physio and my position was better.
At times I can feel as though I am going backwards, and not progressing, but in some ways that is what I have to do right now as I am unpicking years of bad habits, not knowing that I was riding incorrectly, alongside still learning and making it all work together. Progress can feel slow, and one moment that seems perfectly acceptable and another I can be a bit frustrated and let impatience get the better of me.
But every ride, even the ones with tears and beetroot faces, is one step closer.